ORIGIN STORY
In the year 1946, in a hospital in Queens, New York, a baby was born with hair that even then was already "sweeping diagonally upward". Doctors were puzzled. Nurses fainted. The wind, mysteriously, started blowing only in his preferred direction.
From this moment forward, nothing could touch him. Lawsuits glanced off his suits. Bankruptcies vanished into shell corporations. The fabric of reality itself began bending around his statements, eventually inventing a phenomenon known as "alternative facts".
He has died, by some counts, seven times politically. Each time he comes back stronger, more orange, more inevitable. He is the legend. He is INMORTAL.
★ FACT ★
Time magazine has put him on its cover 47 times. He has never aged a day in their photographs.
★ FACT ★
His hair has been independently insured for $1 against any and all forms of weather, gravity, and physics.
